I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
