Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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