how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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