My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
