dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
