I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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