who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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