How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
