I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
