my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
