get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
