He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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