Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you win again, gameday.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
