handjob tips. give me some.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
