Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
