He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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