I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
