I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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