im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
