I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
