could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
