no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
