yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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