My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
