I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
