Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
