I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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