im drinking this country out of the recession.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
