remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
