and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
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I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
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Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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