I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
