Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize