It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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