remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
