i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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