there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
