She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
