I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
