We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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