Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
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