My first STD was from a foam party
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
