Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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