Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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