he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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