actually, I'm a sock model
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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