the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
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I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
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So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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