I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
