I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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