It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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