they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
