I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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