You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
