Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
