I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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