I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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