i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
