He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
