I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Actions speak louder than pants.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
