Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
