Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
