that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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