and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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