C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
