dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
