apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
