he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
