If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
