Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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