we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
