Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
this will be a night to untag.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
