I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
