then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
