I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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